Making Separation Easier for Your Child
Starting school is a big milestone, and for many children one of the most challenging parts is being away from their main carer for a whole day. Some children may feel anxious because they’ve never been to childcare before, while others who are used to nursery or preschool may still find the transition to school challenging – it’s a big change, and even confident children can need extra reassurance.
The good news? There are gentle and playful ways to help your child build the confidence they need to feel secure, even when you’re not nearby.
Why It Matters
When children feel emotionally safe and secure, they’re better able to settle into new environments and routines. Being confident about separating from a parent or main carer helps them:
- Join in classroom activities
- Build relationships with teachers and other children
- Develop resilience and independence
Giving children small, manageable experiences of being apart before school starts can make the transition smoother for everyone.
Start small
Begin with short separations. Try leaving your child with a trusted adult for just 15–30 minutes and gradually build up the time. Explain clearly when you’ll be back and always stick to what you say so they learn to trust that you’ll return when you say you will.
Practise goodbyes
Create a short, positive goodbye ritual, like a high five, a hug or a special phrase. Keep it cheerful and confident to show your child that goodbyes are normal and okay. Lingering too long can make it harder for both of you.
Role play school routines
Use dolls or soft toys to act out the school day. Take turns pretending to drop off and pick up a toy at ‘school’, practising simple routines like saying goodbye, sitting in a circle for storytime etc. This builds familiarity and reduces fear of the unknown.
Picture books can help
Read stories that talk about starting school or separating from a parent. Books like Owl Babies by Martin Waddell can help children understand their feelings and see that separation is safe and temporary.
Comfort from home
Pack a small comfort item in their school bag like a keyring, a handkerchief sprayed with your perfume, or a little family photo. Knowing it’s there can be a reassuring reminder that they’re loved and not alone.
Build independence
Encourage your child to practise doing things without your help, like tidying up toys, putting on their shoes, or getting a snack. These moments help them learn they can manage on their own and feel proud of their growing independence.
Final Thoughts for Parents
It’s normal for children to need time, and reassurance to feel comfortable being apart from their main carer. Stay calm, consistent and encouraging. The more confidence you show in their ability to manage, the more confidence they’ll build in themselves.
Small steps, lots of practice and plenty of cuddles when reunited all help make school readiness feel less scary and more exciting for everyone.
